Blog #6 - Syeda

Picture this: Three friends go out for sushi and at the end, one of them steals the check and covers the tab. In the car, you pull up venmo and pay that friend back. But then it quickly devolves into a thread of “+$20” and “-$20” transactions scrolling down the page. So you pay them back and block them, so they can’t pay you back anymore, right? Nah, they steal your phone, unblock themselves, pay you back, and block you from their account. It’s frustrating--you’re even pulling on their belt to pull them out of the car and grab your phone. You’ve got better things to do than waste time with this, so you give up. And you lose this fight. Your sense of equity and fairness might be offended for the time being, but you know it’s because that friend loves you both. The same scenario happens again and you actually become annoyed, but everytime, he quotes “you know…studies show that spending money on others makes you happier than spending on yourself.” So it eventually becomes reciprocal purchases, and never paying the other back--I’m never winning anyway so why fight it? It’s almost tradition now, but why?

In my culture, there’s a running joke among the younger generation that one person will cover the tab, only for the other to be genuinely upset at them for it. You can see a culture through this, that, among many things, values food as a means of love and bonding, values generosity and caring, and finally, prioritizes showing their love despite the fact that the means may upset you. Perhaps it’s somewhat insensitive, after all, you can pay for yourself, can’t you? But it keeps happening, ugh. Growing up, I haven’t thought to stop and reflect on why this occurrence is so prevalent, in my culture and Muslim cultures in general, but it’s quickly obvious: Food isn’t just food. Rather, food becomes an occasion to show one another your love. I'm not sure when this whole fiasco started but food is something that everyone needs-and one that everyone needs often so it becomes easy to just "pay each other back" the next time or offer a gathering at your house next. Either way, the idea of food and sharing it or preparing it or whatnot has become something else in this society rather than just something we all eat and I kinda love it because it shows that there's so many ways to show affection. Your mother’s close friend may invite you over and cook for you, or your roommate or friend may involuntarily cover your tab when you go out to eat. You realize that the commonality among these, and in the case above, is that it’s just another way to say they love you.