Blog Post #8

August 7th, 2008. I distinctly remember the very day I received my first cellphone. At this point, I had already set-up Facebook and Twitter accounts, though neither hold quite the same nostalgia for me as the day I got my very own cellphone. A bright pink LG flip phone became mine on that day, and this access to technology and the internet at the palm of my hand has shaped me into who I am today. 

I was the very last of my friends to have one, so I felt so good finally being in the loop with them again. As soon as I got home with my new accessory, I posted my number to my Facebook wall with the message "txt me!!" I was so excited. Immediately the texts came pouring in from those I was close with to those I barely knew. Years would pass and I would upgrade to another of the latest phones, hopping aboard with the dawn of the smartphone. When I finally got my hands on a smartphone, I was doomed. I let myself become so consumed by it all. I studied less, stayed up later at night to play games or watch stupid YouTube videos. Productivity went down pretty significantly. I also became more and more concerned about how I was presenting myself on social media. I became obsessed with self-image and it led to some pretty destructive behaviors. I think this became a huge source for some of my anxiety in social settings. I always worried I would say the wrong thing, post the wrong thing, or not appear cool enough for anyone to want to get to know me. Coming from a small town where my graduating class was about 150 people, we all knew each other and there wasn't room to hide. However, I found that I could hide behind social media and create an identity that would help with all of those worries. I became that person through high school and ended up really unhappy with myself and who I came out of it as. I've spent a lot of time since coming to college trying to figure out who I really am because I came here not really having a sense of identity and that was really hard to deal with. I still work on putting down my phone in order to have the best social interactions possible, but others being attached to their phones makes it difficult. We've all seen those groups of people who all sit together and don't talk while they stare at their phone screens. I think I can say that we've all been there at one point or another. We're losing our ability to interact with each other and that makes me wonder what that'll say or do to the future of the human race.